Getting Overwhelmed Just By Laying on Bed All of Day (That’s You!)

Well, it’s my first time to write a post in English, like not usual me after all. Due to my somewhat-over proud-trait for Indonesian language, my English proficiency is questionable. Perhaps, you’ll find many mistakes at this writing, and I’m little bit sorry for that.

A few days, I’ve started learning about coding and programming (honestly, I’m not sure what difference between these two). I started from learning HTML until got a certificate, it’s not difficult at all, that’s made me happy for a while because although I ‘ve made it up, I still don’t know how to implement the syntax or code in practice. Then, after HTML, I continued to CSS. For you who already knew about coding stuff, I’m sure that you found that CSS is more tricky to be mastered. There is so many tags, values, element, and also parameters (such as px, em, %, mm, etc.) that need to be memorized. Until now, this CSS learning haven’t been I made up yet. Why? Thank to many college tasks assigned on this week. I have priorities too, you know. The course also in English, that’s pretty hard to be understood.

But, one thing that really bothered me is being overthinking about myself who doesn’t contribute in financial crisis within my family. For real, it’s tiring enough to see many of my old friends have own their personal income. When you’ve reached the age of 20s, it’s normal for you to doing some job or maintain some small business to earn moneys. The problem is on myself who lack of courage and motivation, assumes that other people is bringing pain, and the most important one, shame. Even though my tuition is paid by scholarship, even more I always get 700k rupiahs every month, still, the money you made from your own working is the best … and honorable.

I don’t have burden (maybe I’m the burden itself, LOL). I should rise up and … yeah, maybe start to sell tahu petis (shrimp paste tofu) and mi aceh (Acehnese noodle), or maybe some community service such as pioneering waste bank — the waste problem never getting old in Indonesia — for my village, also socialize about better sanitation to maintain quality of water and water bank. That’s such few of my ideas.

The reality is I just getting wake up every day and then think, “How will I die?” at that moment. I attend the online class with laying on my bed — of course I sleep occasionally, haha — , listening to the lecturer or my colleague during presentation. Not forget to eat, take a bath, carrying my little brother, and others stuff, then night comes. At this moment, I often question myself about “How do you life?”.

There is no answer.

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